Do you think of me?

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
Every night till I fall asleep and see you in my dreams. 

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
Every morning till I push myself out of the bed still half in sleep. 

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
Every time I drink coffee and I want to drink it with you.

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
Every time I listen to a good song and I want to reach out those lyrics to you.

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
Every time I write something hoping you will read and know it's for you.

Do you think of me? 
Because I think of you. 
And build dreams that will never come true for it's chaos in my head. 

Do you think of me? 
The way I think of you. And us?

Ps: No, I'm not in love, only my adrenaline rush for it's 3:51 AM and I haven't slept a blink? And too much of caffeine in my system, I'm becoming a poet that I'm not :P

Dear Apa

Dear Apa

I know I’m your favorite and will always be. Thank you for always favoritize-ing me over my older siblings :P You did a good job there! See today I write this piece on you, for you, with love.

When I was little, I think more than my older siblings you teased me with how I was picked from the trash and raised as your daughter. (My Apa would openly challenge me as to how he can make me cry in a minute without touching. I would act bold only to find myself wailing the next minute. Those were mean Apa!).

But after that phase, you and I have always been partners. We always will be. You have always had my back and I had yours. (Before college when we lived together at Paro, Apa and I would always do things together, we would go on walks together (My Apa has such a smart personality, the Armies at Drukgyel would take him for an Army Officer and would salute him and Apa won't be surprised). We would play badminton on the road at dusk, bask in the sun and eat walnuts during winters. He build me a snowman that winter I was upset about my Class XII result.

Oh! How I miss those good old days.

When Mommy would watch her Hindi soaps, Apa would makes faces at me (he still does). And we would laugh. Mom would suspect foul play and get mad at us). When mommy won’t talk to me after I spoiled my papers, you did :) Thank you. 

Thank you Apa for being my biggest support. (My apa has always been supportive in what I did, what I wore or with any decision I made. When I was in College, I had once dyed my hair yellow and gone home during the vacation. Next few days my sister persuaded me into dying my hair red instead since I wasn’t taking black for an option. While she did that, she was seeking Apa’s support, “Apa, Tell Chunku, yellow hair gives a cheesy look”. Apa was like, “Yellow looks fine on her. Maybe that’s the trend these days”. I winked, “It is!” And we hi-5ed with our gesture in mid-air. 
Apa and I would always wish each other a good night's sleep before going to bed. He would announce loudly, "Now this old man will..." And i would complete the idiom for him shouting equally loud , "...kick the hay". That’s how partners work. Apa for I and I for Apa).

Thank you Apa for beating up just acho when we had a fight, unlike mommy (she would say if we were to weigh it on a scale, I would weigh the same naughtiness as acho). Apa, you hit me once remember? With that leather belt of yours when I won't get up to study during my exams. I climbed on the sofa and a friend who lived in the next apartment saw me through the window. She would tell that in school. That was embarrassing, Apa -_-

Thank you Apa for doing so much for our education. (Apa would always prioritize studies, he would always say anything for education, anything for books. So at times I would make him buy me Archie Comics and Tinkles in the name of books :P)   

(Apa always wanted a home-posting for he wanted to build his own house (mom made it home:)) and had old parents to look after, but he pushed it further just so that I could complete my studies in a good school while living as a day-scholar). You have always put your children before your dreams. Thank you.

It feels like yesterday when I used to sit down on the floor with my pencil and my book and you would lie on the bed and narrate me answers for my assignment questions. Thank you for helping me out with my assignments and Morning speeches. You know some people recognize me for the speeches I used to give at school. You have always prepared great speeches for me. You trained me to be confident and taught me where and how to use appropriate intonations. How i used to enjoy watching you read. (I was in Class III, when I first volunteered to give the morning assembly speech. Apa would train me. We would both read out loud together everywhere and anywhere. Even in the kitchen when Apa cooked while sneezing (because of the amount of masalas he burns when he cooks), I would read out loud and he would listen, oh! so enthusiastically. I would read more). And you are a great cook, Apa. Your fish cuisine is the very reason I could never fully turn vegetarian.

Thank you Apa for never drinking at the bar. (My Apa buys bottled whiskey and drinks at home. When those drinks run short, he would (or make us) run down the bar with a tea mug and a lid, buy a few pegs, bring home, transfer it to a whiskey glass and drink at home). Looking back I cannot just help admiring you for all those thoughtful deeds, it is in fact so much of an honor to have a father like you.

Thank you Apa for complimenting and appreciating me. Your compliments have encouraged me to strive harder for I knew they were genuine when it came from you. (Apa used to compliment how my eyes were big and beautiful and that I resembled the Bollywood Kajol :P) There was a time when maybe I was in my puberty so I had grown a little stylish, I wanted to use make up and make myself appear whiter (You are to be blamed for my dark skin though). You noticed it first. I still remember how you told Mommy I was now growing up, I can still blush to this.

Thank you Apa for being so cool. Thank you for being the dignified man who doesn’t bargain with the Jaigoan vendors. Thank you for not being the stereotype you were raised in. That gives me a perfect living example so to why you cannot and should not generalize people with their religion, region, caste, family background, appearance and the many adjectives people use to label other people.

Thank you Apa for being the joy and laughter of our family, for being so cooperative with my ideas and for always wearing what I choose for you. Remember Apa? You dressing me ulta kira when I was in class I? I vividly remember how I realized after reaching school, the opening of my pocket was on the left side. But i forgive you for that, at least you tried. 

The times I had nightmares and I would run to your room in the middle of the night, you won't scold, you would just let me sleep with you and mom. Sorry for not leaving even a tiny bit of privacy for you and mom.

In school, when we were to write essays on “my Idol person” I would always choose to write on you because didi already had articles on you being her idol. But now I don’t need to see those articles to write why you are such an inspiration and how much I idolized you dear Apa. Didi once wrote in one of her articles, how you would make up excuses saying the shop was closed when you forgot to bring us sweets, but I don’t remember them, I only remember the part where I would get you vegetable baskets and in turn make you get me my favorite packet of chips. But I usually did accompany you to town, didn’t I? When Mommy was busy and Didi lazy and Acho just won’t go, I would go with you.

But mostly, thank you Apa for loving Mommy the way you do. Thank you for being faithful and loyal to her. Thank you for meeting her, marrying her, and finally having us, hybrids! (I would hear from others what my parents were famous for. They were famous for not fighting even once in their entire married life! No, not even a single quarrel I can recall of. Of course there would be little bit of misunderstandings here and there, little bit of getting mad at each other, grumpy faces and murmurs. But I don’t have a single memory of my dad raising his voice to my mom or my mom to my dad. They have always worked things out together mutually. I haven’t seen a more compatible partner than the two of them although they come from varied family backgrounds). I cannot express how much I appreciate the love you guys have for each other. Thank you for a beautiful childhood.

And finally Thank you for raising the standards of a man so high, now I cannot find myself a husband? :P

No matter how many thank you(s) I say, I know I will always run short. I just cannot thank you enough I know. Today I just want you to know how much of a great father you are and have always been. I want you to know how much you mean to me and our family. How much of an inspiration you are to me. How lucky I am to be born as your daughter (I would still consider myself lucky even if I were found in that trash and raised by you and Mommy). I want you to know how much pride I hold in being your daughter. I love you immensely Apa. Happy father’s day!

Please take care of your health, Apa. Easy on your drinks and liver old man. 

PS: Apa also used to be my barber and oh the way he chopped off my bangs, I can only remember how horrible I looked. 
PPS: Apa used to fart and fart loud (intentionally most times) and apologise to me (Mind you! just to me even when there were other family members who had heard the fart and felt equally disgusted). He used to go, "Sorry la Chunku, loud farts don't stink though". I was special you see? :)
PPPS: I can go on and on writing about how much of an amazing father you are. I love you, Apa! 

What is that? Guy hormones?

Declaimer: My respect and apologies to the good men around. Good men who literally warm my heart. And by good men I mean, after this article if you are not a little guilty. Kudos! you can walk with your head up, chest out! (You don’t have to walk like that if you don’t want to though, just know you have my respects :))

And these are my perspectives. I ain’t taking any controversies, so don’t even try?

I may not be completely true in saying this, but it is, at least for me, that a man’s personality is pretty much in how he deals with other women. I’m a naive and a feminist, so as far I have lived, I have only known men to cheat.

So yes? Why do men cheat? Even men who are in stable and comfortable relationships?

It’s because men have that natural instinct to stray. He contemplates cheating because there’s not enough happiness in his life, he contemplates cheating if his ego is bruised, he contemplates cheating if he sees a chance, he contemplates cheating because the earth is round and so is the sun?, he does that because the river flows downstream and so does his dignity? And oh the apple fell down on Newton and so he discovered the laws of gravity, how much they ought to cheat now? And wait, there are 26 alphabets in the English language and x is closely placed before y. Oh boy! Now they have Every. Reason to. Cheat! Don’t they?

Or did they say, they were drunk so they cheated? It is as lame as the 26 English alphabets excuse. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for lying, cheating, or murder. Even though the alcohol affected his brain, he still did what he did, so drinking is no excuse for infidelity. He cheats because he does that. He does that because he just does that.

Men have 10 times more testosterone than women, they say. But what the heck? If you cannot get hold of your own hormones then is there anything you can get hold of? They don’t even need a woman to be attractive or fully-grown so to say, to hit on. It’s just the guy hormone or whatever that is. Cheating isn’t nature’s fault. It’s his.

When a man makes a vow of monogamy to a spouse or significant other, and then breaks that vow, he is in violation of a relationship contract. It’s hard to continue a relationship after someone cheats. We all know that. We all know that it is a dishonest and hurtful thing to do to a person with whom you are in a relationship. I personally have always preached and practiced “If you want to see someone else, you should just break up with the person you are dating”. But I did get it? :)

In their effort of meeting their own less than emphatic sexual agenda, they undermine their personal integrity. A cheater but never gets what he wants—a clean getaway—because infidelity is nearly always discovered eventually, and when that happens it inevitably comes with devastatingly painful consequences. No matter what position you hold in the society or how much you earn, what car you drive or how branded your attires are. No matter how much of a social activist you are, once you cheat. Bam! You are labeled. And that’s the lowest level you can stoop to.  

Can’t you please be faithful and committed to your wife or your lover? Go home, you wife is waiting for you. Go home, your daughter looks up to you. Go home, before you put your precious relationships at stake for nothing really. Go home, before you lose those honors. Go home?